An Odd Kind of Jealousy

     I suppose it was only right that the day was dreary and filled with rain.  We were on our way to the funeral of Aunt Helen, the last remaining daughter of the thirteen children that comprised my dad’s family; a natural heaviness hung over my brother, cousin and I as we made the two hour journey.  We were doing our best to not let the gloom of the situation overtake us, and then….

     The call came some 20 minutes before we reached the cemetery, informing us that Uncle Roy had passed on earlier that morning. As the saying goes, “And then there was one.”  Thirteen siblings, and only one remains. By the time we arrived at the service almost everyone was aware that another service would occur before the week had passed.

     Yet, as I stood among the mourners and sat at lunch with the family, I discovered that my real sadness went beyond the fact that we had lost more cherished family, that children and grandchildren would no longer be able to pick up the phone and hear a comforting voice, that family meals would now be held at someone else’s home and prepared by other hands. No, my heart ached with an odd kind of jealousy. 

     I was jealous because Helen and Roy, these dear loved ones, were in the presence of Jesus. They were where I long to be. I guess I didn’t realize how intense my desire was until that moment.

     How do you tell a grieving child (Helen’s children are my age) that I am thrilled she has graduated to her eternal reward and I can hardly wait to join her? Realistically, you can’t say those words. Instead, you express your sorrow for their loss and promise to pray for the peace of God to comfort their hearts and minds. And I performed the task as required.

     But inside I wanted to scream for Jesus to come gather the rest of us also.  Why should we have to continue enduring this fallen world with its wars, disease, corrupt leaders and an ever increasing antagonism toward Christ and His followers? Were Helen and Roy called home because they were both aged, suffering recent physical ailments and recently bereft of their life-long partners?  No, others pass from this world who don’t meet those qualifications.

     Needless to say, my journey home was filled with soul searching and a questioning of my own attitudes.  What I discovered is that I am not at all dissatisfied with life; quite the contrary – I find more joy in where I am and what I am allowed to do than ever before in my life. I also discovered, however, that the more I have come to know Jesus, to experience His presence in my life and to understand the process of sanctification, the more I want to be with Him in all His glory.  This desire was the source of my jealousy.

     As this reality became apparent to me, I began to pray that more and more believers would experience this increasing friendship with Jesus that intensifies our desire to be with Him.  Are you jealous of those who have gone before you to meet Him?

Preparing for What?

     Have you noticed that it seems we are always preparing for something? Runners are always preparing for their next race.  Newlyweds are preparing for life together.  We have a million and one things we are preparing for: a new house (or improvements to the one we are now in), a new job, a new car, a new child, holidays, reunions, graduations, parties, vacations, etc… . And when you reach that certain age of life you begin to plan for things like retirement, visits from grandkids and joint replacements.

     I believe it is a good thing to prepare for the events of life. Some are simple to deal with while others require much thought, time, energy and, sometimes, money.  I have a dear couple in my congregation who are preparing for the adoption of a child from another country.  It is not something that can be undertaken haphazardly. There is a great deal of preparation involved in such a venture – some of which involves other people. The mountain of paperwork; applications to fill out, asking people to write references, home inspections, government agencies from two countries to contend with and satisfy – not to mention the large amount of money involved.

     My wife and I have been in the process of preparing to send our son off to college in the fall. Not nearly the undertaking of adoption but filled with time consuming paperwork, much decision making, and about the same amount of money.  It takes preparation to do it right and do it well.

     As a pastor it is not unusual for me to hear people share about such life events.  And I want to be properly supportive in each and every situation.  Yet, in over 30 years of ministry I have yet to have anyone tell me they are actively preparing for the most important thing any of us can prepare for.  That is right; no one has come up to me and proclaimed, “I am preparing to meet Jesus!”  Perhaps I should clarify that: no one who is vibrant and healthy, with the expectation of life still to be lived has shared that with me. Apparently, only the elderly or infirm are expected to make those kinds of plans.

     I do not want this to sound morbid, but what value is this life if it is not spent in preparing to die well?  And the only way to die well is to live with the anticipation of meeting Jesus.  I am afraid that we have become so wrapped up in preparing for the events of this life – and we are to prepare for them and enjoy them as the good gifts they were intended to be – that we have failed to adequately prepare for the one event each and every one of us will share in common.

     I have chosen to spend each waking moment preparing for the day I stand before my Lord and Savior.  No matter what else I may have accomplished in life, it will have been worthless if I do not hear Him say to me, “Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your reward!”

     So, what are you preparing for?