Slow-motion Suicide

           I don’t know if other countries do it or not, but here in the USA we take a day each year to honor fathers.  We extol their virtues, we reflect upon their hard work and dedication to always provide for the family.  In other words, we honor them.  But what if your dad wasn’t a man of great virtue?  What if your dad didn’t sacrifice himself for the good of his family?  What if your dad was a man with major flaws and was so disappointed with life that, over the course of many years, he committed what I call slow-motion suicide?

If your dad was this kind of man, take heart (if you can) in the fact that you are not alone.  I speak from experience. My dad was one of those who committed slow-motion suicide.  It took over 50 years for the cigarettes, alcohol and depression to take its toll, but almost 7 years ago it did finally catch up to him.  While I could easily describe the things which others chastised him for, the rebellious attitude he so often displayed, and the anger he showed during his times of drunkenness, I will not.  They were not entirely his fault. 

Part of the blame for my dad’s undoing rests squarely upon the Church he attended when he married.  You see, my dad loved the Lord as a young man.  He married young and had 2 sons by the time he was nineteen.  Then, due to a host of things no one in the family is completely sure about (at least they will not speak to me about it), dad and mom divorced.  This was the beginning of dad’s long slow journey downhill.

You are probably asking where the Church fits into this, after all, many people have gotten divorced.  How is the Church at fault?  Wasn’t he afforded over the years the opportunity to hear the Truth of God’s Word and change the direction of his life? I am sure that he was most likely given those opportunities.  However, I believe the Church holds a portion of responsibility in that, after the divorce, dad sought out the counsel of those he believed to be wise and Godly men.  Unfortunately, they informed him that because of his divorce he had lost his place in the Kingdom of God.  Needless to say, he was devastated.  Thus began his downward cycle of self-destruction.  The joy of life was gone and he became persuaded it would not – could not – return.  He became thoroughly convinced of his eternal condemnation and began to live accordingly.

None of this is to say that my dad did not have good qualities or that I did not learn valuable life lessons from him.  Indeed, he loved children; when he worked he worked extremely hard and on those rare occasions when he laughed, it was the type of laughter that brought joy to those who heard it.  He understood what it meant to be a true friend and would do anything for his friends – unfortunately, they were very few in number.

There is so much of life that he missed, and so much of him that the world missed, because someone in the Church said some irresponsible (and un-Biblical) things to a young man already in pain from a divorce.  I have no idea how many people have committed, or are in the midst of committing, slow motion suicide.  Even one is a tragedy. 

Even with all that he was, I miss my dad this Father’s Day.  Even more, I miss all that my dad should have been.